Noor Javed
National Post
Saturday, January 14, 2006
It's not easy finding your soulmate in Toronto -- especially if you are looking for someone who's Muslim. But now, Muslim Marriage Intros, a new matchmaking service based out of Toronto is promising to help single Muslims finally find that special someone -- all in a matter of five minutes.
Rubina Siddiqui knows firsthand the difficulty in finding a spouse in a large city such as Toronto, where as she puts it, marriage-minded Muslim men seem to be a rare breed.
After years of trying traditional methods of introduction through family, family friends and even the Internet, Ms. Siddiqui, 29, was ready to try something new.
So, when she heard about Muslim Marriage Intros and its "speed matching" technique (akin to speed dating) and the chance of meeting up to 15 like-minded men in one night, she decided to give it a try.
"I think it's one of the ways of finding a spouse that needs to be explored, because the other ways aren't working anymore," says Ms. Siddiqui. "By a certain age, if you haven't found a match within your circle of family and friends, then you have sort of exhausted that pool and need more candidates, so to speak."
With a median age of 28, the 700,000-strong Canadian Muslim community is young and, according the 2001 census, almost 40% of the community is single. But for these young Muslims, the strict guidelines regarding male and female interactions in Islam as well as the lack of community centres where Muslims can meet make it some times a struggle to find a life partner.
In Islam, dating is not allowed and Islamic law strongly discourages physical intimacy between a man and woman before marriage. But Muslim leaders are recognizing the challenges youth are facing and some are moving toward accepting more liberal matchmaking methods, such as matrimonial Web sites and marriage programs that stay within the bounds of Islamic principles.
"If certain criteria that Muslim scholars agree upon are observed at these events, like no touching or hand-shaking, or hugging or kissing, and if they are chaperoned, I don't see how an event like this could be inappropriate," says Kathy Bullock, executive director of education, media and community outreach for the Islamic Society of North America-Canada.
Parents wanting to help their children find partners often have requirements of a certain ethnicity or annual income that may differ from what their adult children want. Some parents who have recently immigrated to Canada even try to find a spouse for their son or daughter from "back home." And that too is part of the problem, because a match from the old country is not for everyone. "We're Muslims, but we are Canadian and we are not going somewhere else to get married," says Ms. Siddiqui. "This is our home so we have to adapt to the situation."
Elise Aymer, 31, the founder and director of the Muslim Marriage Intros brought the idea of speed matching to Toronto from the United States after noting the lack of such services in Toronto. As a convert to Islam, Ms. Aymer faced her own challenges when looking for a husband, whom she eventually met through an Islamic marriage Web site. "I felt like there was definitely a need in the [Islamic] community and since I had kind of been there and done that, I felt like it was something I could help with."
The success of Muslim Marriage Intros has been in its direct approach to the issue. With a small fee of $30, singles can attend monthly events that include dinner in restaurants. The program works much like speed dating, but with an Islamic twist. Single men and women move from table to table, briefly chatting up their potential spouses-to-be until the bell rings and they move on to the next table.
But to accommodate women who may not feel comfortable coming to the event alone, they are allowed to bring a "wali" or guardian, be it a friend or their mother. And if any of the encounters tug at their heartstrings, they simply mark "yes" on the scoresheet. After the event, "mutual matches," or cases where both parties mark "yes," are notified by the organizers and contact information is exchanged.
"It's a numbers game," says Reezad, who did not want to give his last name in fear of his parents finding out that he attended an event. "You meet a lot of people in one night, you cover a lot of territory and you can pick up the people who you like and it's not like you give yourself away or waste an entire evening."
"I really feel like this is something good for the community," says Ms. Siddiqui. And things are also looking good for her: "I have had a couple of matches, but it's been less than a month since the event, so as of yet, I have nothing to report."'